Wednesday, April 16, 2008

on to kansas

there was a bat in the theater tonight. a quiet, art gallery space, where i did a whole 'ukulele set' just off the mic, sitting on the edge of the stage. it was calling for some all-acoustic stuff! then, as i was about to go into 'Train Station/Beograd' there was a bat flying around. it was magical. i was also hoping it wouldn't land on my head.

my fortune cookie told me to 'try something new'

what is it about fortune cookies that makes me wonder what they're REALLY trying to say??!

kansas tomorrow. tell yer friends

xo
b

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

des moines tonight

we're in a cafe, checking wireless. go figure. the sound guy is on 'sound guy time' which i think is a lot like hippie time.

the wind today has been beyond intense. i woke up this morning cuz the entire rv was being ROCKED. i could not resist making all sorts of 'when we land, there will be a lot of dwarves and everything will be suddenly color' jokes. i love Lee Gabe and Jes. they laugh at my jokes, no matter how cliche they are.

just went on a walk along the river. jes skateboarded along. she found this technique of opening her vest to make a sort of sail out of it. the wind was carrying her. it was intense!!

i'm posting highway up on my player up there. sorry to keep it cock-blocked from you for so long!

xo
b

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

i kicked some bowling ass

totally forgot to mention that i kicked SERIOUS ass last night in our BTEC bowling game. Joe, from Needle Up was ahead the WHOLE game (even though Jes scored a strike her first bowl—it WAS her birthday—so we were all psyched for her—she's the bowling addict, after all—but woah—gutter balls pretty much from there on out) ANYWAY, i was in a close second or third through the whole thing, and then WHAM i got a TURKEY. does anyone know that is? apparently, cuz everyone was throwing that word around as i was dancing my victory dance...i WON. yes that's right i beat them all. woo hoo. i'm not gloating or anything, but if "gloating" is a choice of emotion down there on my blog options, i'm hittin it...pictures of the bowling game coming soon...xo

Soul Seasoning—Cleveland tonight!

Rocking Ohio tonight. played Buffalo last night and it was SUCH a fun show. Needle Up opened for us, and they are like my new favorite band. what else? hung out in Cleveland two days ago with one of my favorite comedians, Karen Williams. We had a belated birthday cake and and amazing dinner she cooked that could have fed an army. and in fact it did. the Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion army, that is. She made mustard greens which are my favorite. she sent me with a big bottle of her amazing seasoning that i have already fed the band with this morning. "Soul Seasoning" yum. my soul is full, fat and happy. xo

Friday, April 04, 2008

touring is fun + rv wireless

we're in lexington, KY. just got off the phone with Ferron. the woods of michigan are calling my name. we are an hour early for load-in, and are getting a wireless signal in the bus! yes!

Nashville was FUN last night. how great were the opening bands? Little Fish and Jordan Caress?! awesome. and the crowd--you were so attentive, so rocking, so riding right along and listening! so appreciate you.

what else? gabe's out looking for coffee. me lee and jes are all on our laptops. i'd better get outside for a second and take a walk in this oh-so-cute town. i haven't been here since i played here with Amy Ray and The Volunteers. good times. how much do i love that aries woman, amy? a whole lot.

ok, the ep is up and running, like available to order on shortstoryrecords.com and so is the ferron record!! yay, go get 'em if you want 'em!!

love love love
bitch
xo

Monday, March 31, 2008

My Birthday!!

so it was amazing! thank you to everyone who sent me messages. nothing an aries loves more than to be remembered....

i had the foresight to announce on stage at Tampa, that we wanted to go to the beach for my birthday. wouldn't you know, Shannon (pals with Halcyon, who we were playing with) is head of an 'eco tours' boat-type-biz thing, and works at this beautiful beach, where she took us out on a boat to an island, where we swam and walked and got sand in every pore, and i kept my parasol on me (much to all of my new friends' hilarity!) so i managed to NOT get burned, which i'm so proud of myself for, cuz i'm english, so i even THINK about the sun and i get burned. hee hee.

it was so fun. then we went back to Deb's (Halcyon singer) house, where Michelle (from Atlanta) had made us a delicious feast, and we sat around the fire in the back yard all night and talked and laughed and absorbed the smell of burning campfire wood. YAY is all i can SAY. i was a happy hippie all DAY yesterDAY. then i spent the night fast asleep in the hammock. yippie skippie. nothing like an outdoors-y day, plus sleeping under a florida sky to put a spring in my step.

now we have a long road ahead of us---playing Orlando tonight, then on to Baton Rouge, then to Nashville. wow. miles and miles in my future.

come out to the shows!!

Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion is officially out, our new ep, you can download it or get it shipped to you by my new record label! shortstoryrecords.com

lots of witchy love,
bitch
xo

Saturday, March 29, 2008

The EP, my Bday, Boulder+Florida
It's been a minute since I wrote you my latest diary. We went through north Carolina and left it inspired and excited. We are the exciting conclusion, so it's one of our jobs!

We went to Atlanta and played Eddie's Attic. Eddie is like the guy I hope to be someday. Mellow, generous, joyous and abundant. We played a show with our new friends, Rising Appalachia. I loved the audience there. They were super into the political stuff, which always makes me feel hopeful about the world. I love our new version of Red Roof so much. Go listen to it.

Hey - we officially launched shortstoryrecords.com! it's so exciting. My own label, imagine that! and our EP is officially downloadable and for sale! And the Ferron record, "Boulder" is officially for sale, as we will have copies in our dirty little hands in a few weeks.

Now we're in Florida, which I always love. I like being warm - sue me. I woke up to birds singing outside the very thin rv walls. I love how thin my rv walls are. When it rains, especially, and when there are birds. They are singing now as I type. Gotta go - I'm going to swim before we leave for our show in Tampa tonight.

My birthday is tomorrow! I will be lapping it up in the sun and on the beach somewhere on the west coast of Florida.

Mwah
xo

Now guess what? We’re driving. Into a long and sunny highway. We are pretty much on time, except I made us stop at a health food store cuz mama needed greens. I got some locally grown turnips with the greens attached. Yum. Onto Charlotte tonight. North Carolina. Only one state away from where Animal and I were officially shut down by a venue with cops on our dressing room door, because she took her shirt off during our show. Wow. Go check out Ani’s documentary called “Render” to see all the hoop-la one set of female nipples can call. Wow. All hail ye, Sparkly Queens!!

Philly

When you two (the TEC) showed up today to Jersey, where my RV was parked and waiting for us, I had made sweet potato/carrot mash, some free range eggs and and organic greens. You were hungry from the travel and your morning of getting ready and the what-could-i-possibly-be-forgetting
-I’d-better-remember-now-or-
the-next-six-weeks-may-be-hell type time. We were so happy to see each other! Couldn’t wait to play! Jes had ushered you here, and here we were, standing in the rain, a muddy jersey underneath our feet and a wide wide open road in front of us.

I love you

We got to philly, even though 95 had been closed, due to the fact that it was about to—what would a highway do—break? Cave in? whatever the word is, it was about to go back to where it came from—gravelly bits in the ground, not a single clue on how to hold up our 6 ton vehicle. So we bound on down to your town on side streets, late for soundcheck—what a way to begin. The thing that was holding us mostly, was that we were so excited to play!!

And how much did we tear it up? A lot. We sang and played and rocked and swayed. I made some funny jokes. We left you with hearts in throats. We drove out of there—the whole sky opened up like a waterfall and we drove into night time road lights. Glisteny angels, telling us that urban warriors still have lighted paths. We wear masks of fashion, shields of sound, waking up in truck stops and on to the next town.

See you in Arlington tomorrow night. For now, it’s earplugs, cuz the loud speaker in the flying j parking lot is just that—-loud.

xo

Coming towards you DC. Boxes of books and dreams for you to see. It’s a windy sunny day. Woke up to Flying J. did my morning stretches in the parking lot to everyone’s dismay. Can’t wait to play. Can’t wait to play.

xo

DC was fun. Arlington, really, but who’s keeping score, besides the Arlington-ians. We played with Haale, a great singer from nyc. She and her band rocked. Then Natalie took the stage with some spoken word, and then Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion did our thing. I woke up at 5.30 am to get on a flight to a college in the Midwest. I don’t usually do 5.30 am unless it’s from the other side, so I was delirious and ready to wrap my head up in my neck pillow and snooze the whole ride there. I stood in line for what felt like forever. Only to get to the front of the line and hear my flight was cancelled. I tried and tried to figure out a reroute. The guy at the desk kept asking me what other cities I could fly into. As if I had a map of Moline, Illinois sketched out in my brain. I mean, don’t they give these people maps, I asked him? No, just airport codes, that’s all he could type in. so every town I told him, he’d try it and say ‘nope’ and then just look off into the distance until I came up with another idea. Finally I said, “can you get creative here and help me get to where I need to go?’ That seemed to light a miniscule fire under his ass, but not one big enough to actually propel me anywhere near the town. In the end, we had to cancel, as the huge snowstorm was still going, and there was no telling if I’d ever get out of there even if I did figure out a way to crawl there. The rv spun back around and came and got me and I suddenly had a ‘day off’—which actually meant an 8 hour drive to north Carolina. after some crappy breakfast, I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and Lee offered me her bed to sleep in while we drove. See, I sleep in the ‘back bedroom’ of the bus. Which is deluxe, because it’s the only bed in the bus that is only used as a bed. Lee’s bed is also the kitchen table folded down, and Gabriel’s bed is the couch. The drawback of my bed, though, is that because it’s at the back of the bus, and behind the back wheels, it’s the bumpiest ride. So it’s possible to sleep back there while we drive, but not really. So I curled up on Lee’s very posh bedding and fell into a deep deep sleep. I love three words in a row that rhyme. I know it’s cheating, since deep and deep are the same word, but whatever. It’s easy to cheat on your own rules.

When I woke up, one might say it was a dream come true, because we had pulled into a Goodwill parking lot. I’m a thrift store junkie, so that was a huge welcome sign out of a much-needed nap. Jes went over to the hotel across the way and managed to charm the people into letting her set up and use their whole office system, while me, Lee and Gabriel made a picnic then went into the Goodwill to find what fashion awaited us. I walked out of there with an amazing blue corduroy cape, which I have deemed my official ‘mvp’ of the tour, as it’s glamorous, mideival, covers my ass, and goes over anything! I also scored a hand-made cotton dress-type thing which I’m going to make into a shirt. It had a detachable belt, which I guess I left at the register. Gabriel went back in for a round two at some point, and the woman who works there says, “were you with the girl with the rainbow weave?” “umm, yes...” Gabriel replied. “well she left her belt here” “Thanks” said Gabriel, sure he had saved the day in some way, knowing what a belt hag I am, but akward nonetheless, knowing that someone thought I had a ‘rainbow weave.’

Asheville was last night. What a town. Something about the mountain air, and the love of fiddle music that makes me feel strangely at home here. It was a beautiful blustery day where we got to finally shed our yankee coats and just walk around the hippie town. The show was great. We loved our stylish merch-girl who helped us re-organize. She sang along to all the songs and that always makes me feel like part of something.

Today, we hung out with a new friend Greg, who is Haale’s manager. Turns out we have a few friends in common. He was such a great host—took us out to breakfast at his favorite spot. Any place with vegan sausage is a friend of mine. We sat outside with our hoodies on, my cape in full reign, and drank tea and coffee all afternoon. After that, we went to Jinx’s spot, a local artist and mad genius type. He is part of a group that processes something like 7,000 gallons of bio-diesel a month. He showed us the whole plant, filled with giant tanks—most of which were built out of garbage they found floating in the river. At first the fire marshals tried to close them down, once they caught on to what they were doing in there, and now the town has completely changed their tune and have gotten completely behind them and have given them grant money to buy trucks, and they now service all sorts of municipal vehicles, and service a bunch of bio-diesel stations in the area. Go anarchist inventors!! Go using what’s around, recycling and making ‘waste’ into resource!

snow storm

I'm in Michigan in the middle of a snow storm. I love the bright light it casts, even at 10 at night. I walk into it and everything is silent and still. I'm not far from Ferron's house but she is far away. Struggling to rebirth the Indian in her. The one that I have watched being carved into her face. She is in ceremony, has a sacred feather and stone in her pouch and will come back an elder. I'm happy for her and reeling about the version of "Misty Mountain" on "Boulder." Wait til you hear it. I always heard that song as a lost Indian—struggling to remember, in a world of war and consumerism, who she is. I can't wait for her (and you!) to hear it!

Only a week til tour. Can't wait to see Lee and Gabe and make the magic that we make. We'll pick Ferron up after about 6 weeks on the road. That should be a wild mix. You may be able to hear us coming!!

Wednesday, January 17, 2008

Ferron CD and Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion EP

Hey all of you

i'm so super busy right now working on these albums i can't wait to share with you. ok, so i camped out in my RV outside Ferron's house this summer in Michigan and recorded her. it was a humid midwest august and i hooked up my laptop studio, carried it around and moved it around pretty much every day, to either follow ferron, or go find some room with 'clean' electricity to lay down some violin tracks, sing or whatever. there were 12 other women there, doing a workshop run by Ferron herself. we had all come with a project to do, and mine was to make a recording of someone who i admire to the core. her songs are like being born or something. or the feeling of someone really knowing you, the feeling of seeing your life on someone else's, or how when you realize how small the world is, or how small we all are, or something. we all fell in love. all 12 of us. i say 12 but i have not whipped out my hands to actually count. but in my novel or song of it, it's 12. some day i will count.

we had been to her land before, me and Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion. in case you have not yet figured it out, Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion is the easy shortening of BITCH AND THE EXCITING CONCLUSION. Lee and Gabe and I did a tour with ferron maybe a year ago and it was a blast. i say blast and think that sounds so cheap...but it was. anyway, we had started to record her last march, when we came on our last Bitch and The Exciting Conclusion tour in the spring. we stopped at her house and set up the laptop shop in the back room of her house. we put her mattress up against her wall. me and Gabe revolutionized. lee played a beat inspired by this huge drum we found at her house that we now call ‘the MOTHER drum.’ this has become the rhythm track to an all-spoken version of Misty Mountain.

anyway, i've been curling up to my laptop for the last few months, adding friends into the mix, to make it sound just right, putting harmonies on it and dreaming and scheming all about how to bring out her stories and her voice.

in the meantime, Lee, Gabe and I went into the studio with our friends Viv Stoll and Roma Baran, and recorded 5 songs for an EP! we are mixing it as we speak, and will have it in time for the Bowery SHow (NYC) we are doing with my friend from Shortbus, Jay Brannan.

and now i'm in crunch-time to get it done so i can GET OUT there soon and be back with all of you!

so excited to tour this spring! we are going down to florida, out through the midwest, down to texas and new mexico, back up through the western midwest, pick up Ferron, go through canada, down the NorthEast and back home to NYC.

yay
i can't wait to see each and every one of you
mwah
Bitch
xo

hey youse!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I've been at Ferron's house for a few days now. I don't know if I told you, but I'm producing a record of her stuff! It's so exciting. My friend Lindsay came over last night with her good mics and we made a night of it. It's so hard to drag yourself to bed when all this inspiration is oozing out of your fingertips. We got a whole track of the country crickets last night. It's going to go perfectly underneath the cover she's doing of one of my new songs, “Highway.” Sometimes I think I should call that song “Aftertaste.” You'll soon see why...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I was exaggerating. Now that we're face to face again, I'm realizing the Mother Drum is more like two feet across. But this in no way diminishes the immense power emanating from it.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

I hope I never stub my toe again.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I just came out of the woods of Michigan. I slept for 16 hours last night! What can I say, but the Festival was amazing. There are so many great people in the world'so many amazing artists. I got to have my one night of campfire time with my pal Jennie (Erase Errata.) They could only stay for one night in the land of the We-Moon so we made the most of it. We sang songs all night and adventured around the forest. I also got to hang out with one of my other favorite artists, Karen Williams. Can I just say that not only is she an amazing comedian, but a brilliant political provocateur. I think that's the right use of that word. I may go swing by her house in Ohio and hang for another couple days before I hit the Ohio Lesbian Festival on September 8th.

And what about Me and Ferron, rocking it on a beautiful wooden stage on the down slope of a hill, filled with women of all ages? Well, we rocked it. We decided to just be ourselves and be really close and intimate and be all in the love of what we feel for each other. We traded songs back and forth. We opened with me on top of the hill, coming down it while speaking a verse from one of her songs:

“Up the Misty Mountain
Where wild flowers bind the ground
Down by the Rushing River
Force will wear those Boulders down.”

Then Lee Free kicks in on a beat on what we call the “Mother Drum,” which is a huge (maybe 4 feet across) native drum with big mallets. Then I continue:

“Me I'm underneath my covers
Me I'm trapped inside my brain
But up above the Misty Mountain
Up above the Rushing River
Up above the bed of longing
The Eagle takes the wind.

It makes me think of this, my friends'
Where does the eagle live in Me?”

Then from off-stage, we hear Ferron's guitar start and the doors open and we see Ferron playing her legendary song. She kept joking that she felt like she was popping out of a cake. I made her do it anyway, and it was really powerful. Anyway, I'd eat that cake!

So if I ever wake up enough to drive all the way to Detroit I will. Gotta go see Mom.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Today we have a 2:30 soundcheck, so we had to stumble onto the bus early from our rooms with a shower at the Clarion. I woke up sweating. I think it's probably because of the blankets I slept under. They felt more like a Tupperware lid than bedding. I could have melted them down and sealed all the windows on my bus. But I held back. Just filled up my tea cup in their lobby while they closed up the continental breakfast that I always miss, but don't care because it's always just white flour and sugar, the two main ingredients I don't eat.

Stopped for an oil change, and now we are on our way to rock Minneapolis. This will be my first time there and I'm really looking forward to it. We met this band from there the other night, Black Blondie. They were incredible. They haven't recorded yet, but are going to, and let me tell you they fucking rock. We went to see them after our Winona show. They were playing at a place called Stinger's, I think, but I call it Stinkys. It's a way more appropriate name. but man oh man they were so hot.

We could've gone out to Alex's boathouse to sleep, but we were all so tired already and it seemed like a party vibe and we all just wanted to get some rest, so we opted for the home sweet home of the Rv in another anonymous trucker gas station.

I am awake and poems are filling my notebooks. I love being on tour and wish it would go on and on and on. I am already having separation anxiety at the thought of leaving Lee, Gabe and Jes. But there you go'my life's challenge right now is to try not to miss things as they are still happening.

Friday, March 23, 2007

there's these streets of my past
haunted corners
cold of Chicago
traffic and dreams
it's grey all day
kind of one way
I remember you

Haven't written my morning poem yet
I've been so busy watching you

My songs have called me
Back to this town
And for that matter all around
I have gathered
Shards of these streets
Pasted them on to me
Made them maps of my muscles
And gave them out for free

Now we
Are exploring new ground
Looking up to what's been going down

I love you and always will
That's the truth
And that's the drill
You are nailed down
Way deep inside me
And I'm going to go find someone to ride me

These streets were mean sometimes
And super honest too
You are above and beyond
Any one of these songs
They are kind of all about you

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ok, we partied like frat boys last night. Why I had another black and tan and another Patron is beyond me, but hey it was fun and we made a new friend, Julia, who took us around all morning to do all of our daytime-on-the-road errands in Milwaukee. We came out of the bar, got on the bus last night and had a total rock out jam. Lee busted out one of her songs “Shit Box” and we sang and sang for hours. I have found that the kitchen floor on the RV is a perfect tap dancing surface. Needless to say the bus was rocking cuz we came a-knockin'. We rocked you last night, didn't we Wisconsin? Now I'm hoping that split pea soup can absorb some of what I drank of you.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

We played the Alternative tonight in Louisville, KY. We got a good dose of southern hospitality, that is for sure. Some strangers-who-are-now-friends gave us their massage/music studio to use for our stay. The Troubadors opened the show and I swear they healed me. I needed some good bluesy heartbreak songs tonight. I have that distant feeling of anything Is possible. And I guess it is. I can't believe how beautifully we all travel together. I feel so blessed. Tomorrow we are going to stay here and set up and practice. The Exciting Conclusion rules.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Michigan is one of my home states. So when I play here, my parents usually show up. Both were there tonight, at The Ark in Ann Arbor. My mom came up on stage and tap-danced with me. She is so rad and rhythmic and musical, and she wonders where I get it from! Hee hee

My sister is about to have another baby. Any day now. More life to love, more learning.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Tour is starting up again. I wonder what this road holds. I wonder what kind of loads. I wonder where the magic will be, what strangers we'll meet. What will hold us. What will mold us. What will feed us need us breed us be us.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Now the show is over
And the hollow of this room
It's a bed of kind strangers
That I will know soon
And there's no one but me only
In this lonely singing room

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

We have discovered the joy of burning a candle in the car on a long drive at night. We were all wired on caffeine and a good nights' sleep. It made it so much easier to make driving feel more social. We could see each other, and felt like there was more to look at than the billboards flying by. The candle came from Lee. One of her really good friends died from Leukemia last week. She found out the night we played Carrboro. Joni was a warrior type radical woman she knew from working at the fish market. She was Vietnamese. She meant a lot to Lee, and I could tell from the stories about her I would have liked her a lot. So that night, Lee went and got a candle, some wine, some gummy fish'because they used to eat them together'and some chocolate-covered espresso beans, and made an alter to Joni. It burned in our hotel room for the entire 40-or-so hours we were there. Now it will burn on all of our night drives. Joni the warrior woman lives on.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ok, so touring with The Indigo Girls was a true inspiration. I got to sing “Closer to Fine” with them each night. They gave me the boozebag verse, “I stopped by the bar at 3am…” must be something in the water I'm drinking.

What else? Make This/Break This is pleasing people left and right. The Sacramento News + Review called me “a ménage a trios involving Sandra Bernhard, Laurie Anderson and Che Guevara.” I loved that. Where would I fit in that ménage? Maybe I'm the baby that would pop out from it. Me right out of Laurie Anderson's cooch. Good times.

Speaking of cooch, I've been playing the “Pussy Manifesto” again. It has been feeling really good. It's a new song every night and I have been liberated in not feeling like I have to do each and every manifestation every time. I skip around. People get bugged by it. I've gotten a lot of emails asking if I couldn't count, if it was intentional or not. I haven't responded. This Bitch can count, yes, quite precisely to eight. Wow.

I leave for tour again tomorrow. I'm going to open up Melissa Ferrick's east coast tour. Should be fun. Tom will be there filming it all. Lee will be rocking the drums. And Julie Wolf is going to sit in on the keys. Yes!

I am going to put up our awesome new t-shirts on our website in the next day or so. They have big old owls right across the chest. They are designed to look good with both breasts and pecs. They are an homage to my Grandmother who passed away last December. She was obsessed with owls. Everything in her house was owl kitsch. So there you are, Nana. All these freaky people are gonna be wearing one right across their hearts, just for you. Make This/Break This'so true, so true.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Ok. We rocked Sacramento tonight. Didn't we, my loves? Aiden came up on stage, to describe the power of the Eggs, remember? Romano came to join us on the tour yesterday. That is changing everything. He feels like a side of home I had never really understood until I was an adult. With pets.

Gabe and lee are out at the gas station. Gassing up, and finding food. Lee loves a fluorescent-mart-with-food. She confessed it in the hotel room. They can't believe how hot I keep a hotel room. I am generally cold. Especially after a show. I wanna feel warm, like not one section of my skin is left out. We think Tom is getting laid. Or getting some sort of something. Love. A filling to emptiness. Warmth all around. All's home at the vagabond Inn.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Hey. We are on tour right now with the Indigo Girls. We are having a blast, and I feel incredibly inspired by the shows and the music we are making each night.

We had a day off yesterday. Spent the morning in PDX, then got on the road towards Sacramento. Only 4 days in to the tour and we've been pulled over twice. Lead-foot Tom is officially slowing down.

i donned my “Bowie Bitch” look in Portland the other night, and officially popped the cherry of that town. Lee and I played the Pussy Manifesto for our first time ever together. It was like a homecoming'like hearing the beat you've always wanted'like finding the right words to describe the inside of you'like seeing an old friend and they look better than ever.

It's the first sunny day we've had, since Seattle and Portland were one big ball of grey. I am squinting my eyes, trying to see screen instead of dashboard. Daniela is going to meet us in San Francisco. Exciting, love. The town of our falling. Of our deciding to stand in love, instead of fall in it. That whole city is a memory of that magic now. We're playing the Warfield. Hello'can all my dreams come true? Is that true?

Thursday, August 31, 2006

I want to write to you more.

I want to let you in on this little piece of the world that I'm seeing. Seagulls scream outside my window. Fall comes quickly here in Vancouver. I am just starting to miss it back in NYC, which is perfect because I will be there soon.

I am gearing up for a fall tour. Looks like I'll be touring on the West Coast with the Indigo Girls. That is like a dream come true'from singing “Galileo” in my college dorm room, to opening for them—that tickles.

I am getting ready to do two premieres for the film I'm in, “Shortbus.” Toronto and New York. You should come. I mean, it's partially the point of the film. You coming. Haha. You'll get it when you see it. And will you ever.

I went to the Cannes Film Festival! It was really fun and a huge learning experience. The streets of this tiny little coastal town were completely taken over by parties, sequins, shmoozers, boozers, and us, the freaks of “Shortbus.” Everyone wants to know what movies I saw. None besides ours! I was so busy, getting set up for the after party on the beach. It was glamorous. Singing just above where the waves are breaking. I sang “Wig in a Box” with John. It's a song from the last movie he made, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.” If you haven't seen it, you should. Sometimes I feel like her, playing the salad bar buffet in some random town.

I just got back from the Michigan Women's Music Festival. It was so much fun and inspiring. I was part of planning this year's Opening Ceremonies, which is the first performance on the Night Stage, which is a ritual to open the festivities. I sang “Landmass,” a song that is on “Make This/Break This.” I had back-up dancers dressed like swans or goats or seaweed, we're still not sure. But body paint was involved, so you know it was good. By the end of the song, I leapt into their arms and they carried me, wave-like, through the crowd.

The n, after a few other numbers, I appeared on top of a 5 story high scaffolding, playing my violin, while Stormy and Charlie blew fire! It was so exciting. Big flames whipping around me, and I'm singing “throw away yesterday/today is a brand new day” that was the theme of the ceremony, based on a Sia song. It was awesome. Everyone kept asking me if I was scared to climb up there, cuz it was super high. And no, that part didn't scare me. What did scare me, is that I'm an Aries sun with a Leo rising. With all that fire in me, I thought it may be a poetic way for me to die. So'the goddess spared me until the next stunt I pull, and I'll be on the road, un-scalded, for now.

I can't wait to tour this fall. Will you come? And will you tell everyone you know?

It feels different now, as I get older. I feel like I rely on you more. Before you were just a background color. Now you have taken shape, a support that needs definition and reinforcement. The road calls to me and I answer “hello? Is this thing on?”

xoxo

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

God is Love wants to be my friend on MySpace. what do i do? i've been torn about this for a couple weeks since the request came in. it's not God is Love in an ironic way, either. i looked at the page. it's all hallmark angels and talking about salvation. some days i think it would be good for God is Love to be getting my messages and hearing my songs. other days i think i don't want that "i'm gonna convert you" energy in my friends list.

on a lighter note, it's beautiful up here in Vancouver. i have been swimming every day. Hot Dog and Daniela call me "camp counselor Bitch" because i always force them to swim, even when it's cold and windy. they never regret it, either.

Getting ready to go to chicago this weekend. we're gonna rock the House of Blues!??signing off for now—cuz God is Calling.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Buddha and Malcom X share a birthday. isn't that deep? oh the things i learn from the Slingshot day-planner...

April 30, 2006

the Chants and the Chance of you

me and D put on some sunscreen, I had my "smash patriarchy" shirt that she made me out of a costume she wore on her last movie, she had her "dead prez" and back pack strapped on, and we stepped out to 20th and broadway to join the march for peace and justice to protest the occupation in Iraq.

my head is still filled with the Chants and the Chance of you.

here are some of my favorite things i saw:

on the back of a beautiful scruffy punk's tshirt, the Cree Indian proverb, "Only when the last tree is cut; only when the last river is polluted; only when the last fish is caught; only then will they realize that you cannot eat money."

that one sank my heart for a few minutes and i just had to walk slowly behind him and his dog, taking it in.

here's another one i saw: "Bush sucks, Dick too."

haha.

oh and: "Impeachment isn't just for blow-jobs any more."

and i always love the Jesus ones. it was something like "don't attack Iraq. not in the name of Jesus Christ."

i just love when Christians really get what a peace-loving hippie Jesus was. Not some illiterate monkey speaking to us through George.

i always love the "war is unhealthy for children and other living things."

and how about these two little girls, probably 8, chanting "what do we want? when do we want it?" holding their poster board signs of all the things they are worried about losing; the rivers, the trees, other children, etc.

the Raging Grannies were there. Me and D stood in a tent with them for a while singing songs.

i picked up a form about how to avoid paying some federal tax out of dissent. i signed some petitions for global warming action, and worried about all the nice paper that was being passed around, dyed and in excess.

we swung through the Women's tent, and read some harrowing statistics on how many girls' lives are at stake with Roe v. Wade being suddenly up for grabs.

i read and article in Ms. the other day about "judicial bypasses" in Ohio, which are grants an underage girl can get from a judge to get an abortion without having her parents' consent. there are so many hoops and injustices about the whole process, but the bottom ridiculous line is that the whole point in her having to appear before a judge is to prove that she is "mature enough" to have an abortion. If she doesn't prove maturity, she has to have the child. how's that for backwards?

I got a little sunburned anyway, and am still nursing some burnt lips.

we watched the documentary "party monster" last night and it was incredible but gave me horrible dreams.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

do you care?

my day is the kind of day like my list is a million miles long. we (me, d and romano, my angry but loyal dog) walked in the park first thing, cuz it's suddenly summer here in nyc.

i'm gonna go see Well on Broadway tommorrow night cuz Murray got us some tickets. Leigh Silverman is an old friend of my sister's, and knows me from back in the day. should be great to see her again.

the trees are all white in bloom. any day now i'll start sneezing.

nothing much to say, really. i'm getting ready for this tour which is totally gonna rock. then i get to hang in Vancouver all summer, hop down to Homo A Go Go, over to Michigan Women's Music Festival. Bliss! Hot Dog is already in Vancouver cuz he fell in love with the boy there, so he's just ticking away his time until i show up. i love my friends. he's coming on the tour, too. he'll be sleeping in my bed with me. i hope we can handle it!

going down to chelsea to meet some friends for dinner. do you care?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

my herstory, it's bruised and beautiful past

current mood: awake

Ferron and her partner, Maria have been in town visiting for three days. Me and Daniela have been hosting them all over this damn town. How wild is my life, hanging out with one of my favorite musicians of all times.

we went to see Lynn Breedlove's show, after a whole day at the Whitney's Biennial. We got culture on our brains. It was so inspiring how unabashedly political/anti-war/anti-Bush the whole exhibit was. And there were drawings by one of my other folk heroes, Daniel Johnston. And we raced around, taking in all sorts of deep stuff. shadows and photographs, curtains and shop windows, holes in walls and fake obituaries, paintings that looked like photographs.

we speak about deep stuff together, and are committed to it. i hold a huge place in my heart for Ferron and her struggles. we are from a long lineage of smothered pagan spirits that have somehow survived. we are committed to remembering the holocaust on us as women, that still feels so unmentioned, even though the pope whoever-what's-it still wears the same robes, the same jewels that the dude that ordered the slaughter of so many of us wore. horrible sentence, i know, but grammar fails me when it is so blatant what a slave-culture we are still participating in and are made to feel like we're harping on something "past" when we discuss its ripple effects that we are sitting in, shaken.

has that institution ever even apologized?

we are warriors. ferron's words stand behind me on every street—with every passing comment or whistle, every little girl i see wearing her fuck-me shoes before her spine is even formed, every mother, alone in her mother-ness, every way-too-skinny, or way-too-fat girl i see, i am reminded of what we have and still are surviving, and her words are like a relief from it all.

at the whitney, there was a piece about all the animals and where they go as this world slowly kills them off. they take with them all their resources, to an imaginary planet that wants life. what will we be left with?

Daniela just finished reading Robin Morgan's "The Burning Times." she was reading some of the bibliography at the end, citing a town that killed every woman, child and cat and left only two women to survive. another town slaughtered 1000 of us in one day! still, we are like a hillside under a sidewalk. eventually that concrete breaks, and the most beautiful bruised plant springs up and sings a song. "Girl on a Road" comes to mind.

i'm gonna miss Ferron when she goes

Sunday, April 02, 2006

i cannot leave the subject blank

just woke up and it's like summer out there. me and d are gonna walk all over this damn town, see if we can ferry on over into queens. this poet is all tongue-tied for words. i'm getting that far away feeling. wanting to be somewhere where i don't know the language and am being handed all sorts of strange-to.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

home is where you park it

i'm having a day off. Christopher just left town, and i need some rest. whenever he comes, i know i'm up for a marathon of alcohol, laughter, and good, extroverted times. me and d are going to watch movies and go to yoga in the morning. not much else to say, except that the Mo Pitkin's shows have been so inspiring. i am opening up to a whole new level of trust that feels so incredible. can't wait to tour in June with The Exciting Conclusion. We're going through the midwest, out to the west coast, up and down it, ending in LA. hope to see some of you out there. i'll be back in my "home is where you park it" mode.

March 8, 2006

Johann is doing my hair. Actually, it's Lucky. She came over in her scrubs, right out of the vet's office to help me twist my hair. I just spent two hours looking for parking. The streets are all blocked off by order of the city. i slow down to ask this dude who looks like he may know, "what is the deal with the no parking?"

"they're filming Law and Order" he says

"ok, but do you know when we're allowed to start parking here again"

"Law and Order, Special Victims Unit"

"ok, but how late is this thing in effect..?"

"it's a TV show"

"thanks, dude," and i drive away.

thank the goddess this is a one-time deal for me cuz my room-mate just loaned me his van to deal with the show tomorrow. before i finally gave up and moved my girl, Vanna Love, out of the city, we used to have quite a relationship with the opposite-side-of-the-street parking here the big crapple. At the bitter end, i used to have to jump start her every morning. something about not holding a charge. and before i could get to jumping it, i had to do a special banging knock to even get her hood to open. that became my whole life for a minute/month or so on the side of some street in this restless city.

now she sits in the middle of Liz's dad's farm's field. a safe haven to some wintered squirrels or something.

show is sold out tomorrow. get your tickets for next week, people.

xoxo

March 3, 2006

Just took Romano to the dog park. He hates the cold, but loves the snow. As long as he gets to run around he's so happy. Me and D got to get some sunshine, after a late night of filming stuff for the opening night of The Exciting Conclusion. (March 9th, Motha Fuckas!!!) My friend Anne has spent the last two nights here. We are friends since college. Yesterday morning she was having a minor heart attack over the Blimpie that you can see from our kitchen, bedroom and office windows. They've obviously just kicked down for one of those electronic signs that has the moving words—-what are they called?—it'll shift from Blimpie, to SUBS!!, to OPEN 7 days a week!, then then back to Hot Subs, then Grilled Subs, then SALADS!!—(a salad at Blimpie?)—anyway, Anne is worried about this small business owner being sold down the river with this sign. i mean, doesn't everyone know what they're getting into when they go in there? who's taking the time to read that anyway, except the people in my building? does this seem at all worth typing?

anyway, i love this moment of the day when the sun streams directly in to my office window, and, while i type, i feel blinded and warmed. big rays of sun always remind me of those Jesus paintings where the clouds part and there are these big beams beaming down, implying the hands of god, or something. Listen, oh you wanting-a-male-god art fans: Mother Nature is a womanly force. ain't no denying her beams.

that said, the buses outside are loud, coughing all over my window sills. i'm gonna go get ready for Yoga, then clean up the house cuz a camera crew is coming over to interview me and Daniela about what/who we do.

lots of love to all of you

xoxo

February 28, 2006

it's phone calls and managing over here in the Big Crapple. it's sunny and colder than a witche's tit. i love that we have a reputation for having cold tits. where the hell does that come from? and what's up with Roe vs. Wade? when is the UN gonna step in? why are we not in the streets? i'm here, making a smoothie, logging in to some electronic world while slowly we get degraded into voiceless and choiceless slaves. over it. i wanna make strong. i wanna make songs. i want to revolt while the whole world marches along. ok, screaming trucks outside...it's off to my day. ride the express on the subway. try to make some say, and to have some, and have some more.

February 27, 2006

Everything's breaking. This morning, I knocked the glass blender off the counter when I was going to make a smoothie. Bananas with bits of glass all over them. I fell down the stairs the other night. Since then, I'm on a program of ice, arnica, and realizing how you use the elbows for every single thing. My friend Lucky came over and was doing things like zipping up my coat and throwing the stick for my dog. I'm blowing off the rest of my stuff I'm supposed to do today and going to the Met with Hot Dog. He says it's paybacks for blowing off our sleep-over last night. I have to keep him company today cuz he's depressed. We should be quite a sight, stomping across central park, me with my hardly bent elbows and him with his frown. Ten bucks we'll laugh the whole way, cuz that's what we do together.

I'm planning my March. Just hearing the date of your birthday sends chills up my spine. Or into my heart. Or right behind my eyeballs, the part that would make them cry. I miss you still. March 13. You were seventeen days older than me and never let me forget it. Why did you go so soon?

There is a color copy of a picture of you that someone sent me right before or right after your funeral. I was busy typing a eulogy at Murray's house. That writing was some of the best I've ever done. You brought that out in me. You made me see what an artist was. You were built from blundered blood vessels, not enough to keep you alive, but you lived from sheer determination. The doctors couldn't believe you had made it that long. I can't even remember how old we were when you died. I must have been at least 23 because I was already in New York, and had already become close enough to Murray to spend three nights typing over her tear-soaked keyboard as I tried to keep you alive with words.

You are still there. In my kitchen next to my collection of tea kettles and the statue of an angel that Ali gave me one Christmas. I decorated that picture with orange fluorescent hearts. It is wearing from the sun. So am i. Lucky threes. Three-thirteen-seventy-three. And me—-three-thirty-seventy-three. Stay there. In spring. On my calendar. Boiling on my stove. On these keys. In my songs. Stay there.

We walked through the hills that hang over Los Angeles. Just got up, threw on clothes, waded through the hangover kitchen of our boyfriend and the party we impromptu made last night, and stole off to the hills, life in our eyes and weekend wandering. We stopped for smoothies which were mostly ice and missed our own creations. But that's just it, money buys some stuff, but a lot of not.

Now we have to drive to where Mother Nature can hold us, we burn her up to get to her. Isn't it the way? The irony of the signs of our times.

Then there's the poem I've gotta write, sitting on the edge of the hill. I'll call it “to the fast food cup of primary colors, with white cap and straw. (side of a hill, Griffith park, los angeles 2005)

What happens to people? They go buy some syrupy poison in some drive thru murder mall then just toss it to the ground in the middle of the woods? What's good, you guys? You gays? What's good?

And that is the question that comes up. We wind up and up and get to the brim of mountain. What is good? We talk of all that we love and how our legs could go all day. These adventures sustain us, seeing a path that seems to call us and saying “lets go there.”

I'm on a plane going back to LA for a quick spell. I'm excited to be in the sun again. New York is cold as Dick Cheney's heart and I am not yet into the charm of it. Me and D are going to go right to the awesome spa when we get there. I'm ready for my hot and colds. Speaking of cold, I would tell you exactly which spa that is so great and inexpensive and so luxurious, but these days with my girl being on tv and all, I'm starting to get a little paranoid. Seems like all walls have huge ears.

I played a few good shows this week. Most memorable was the one with Jay Brannan and Taylor Mac in Brooklyn. They are both so great and talented. I had to kick a guy out of the place. You missed it. Maybe you didn't, I don't know. But Katina, who was with us, totally challenged him to a fight and got him the hell out of there. I could bore you with the details, but as my friend who was reading a book on Anger Management tells me, when you re-tell a story that made you really mad, you're actually just rehearsing the anger. I think that's a great point. I feel myself get all riled up and that can't be good for me.

SPEAKING OF: CAN EVERYONE PLEASE JUST BUY A HEADSET FOR YOUR SELL OUT PHONES? Those things are gross and make your ears all hot and I can only imagine what we're absorbing into our skulls so we can line someone else's pockets, but it only costs like $30 to get one, and think about it, how many dollars is your brain worth? I mean, who knows how much the headsets help, but at least I don't get that “Hot Head” after I talk for a while. I look at my phone like it's beaming out a constant leak of radiation. AND IT IS. So can we just get real and call a spade a spade and not offer our health up so willingly? THANK YOU.

Ok, not much else to say, except the captain has announced some turbulence. I'll never forget this ride I was on from LA to NYC on Jet Blue. It's the hair-raising ride I wrote “Rise” about where we almost died. At some point in all the distress, the stewards were apologizing over and over and basically offered us vouchers for one-way tickets to replace our pain. We thought that was stingy and started chanting “round trip, round trip” and then some guy yells out “Jet Blue rhymes with Fuck You.” Haha. Now every time I fly with them I think that.

I'm tucked in now to go to sleep in our newly arranged bachelorette pad we scored to stay in in LA. It's been a little like a dumping ground, having no real shelf space of our own and a bunch of someone else's stuff in the closet. So I busted out the broom and me and D revamped. Changed the bed to a different wall, condensed our suitcases that serve as dressers, and actually made a little bedside altar for our candles. I think we'll sleep much better.

We went on a three hour hike in the hills of LA today. This is where we decided we have some of our best meetings. I'm gonna start suggesting a nice brisk walk anytime potential collaborators come my way. It feels muscular and good. Can it feel muscular? No it just is muscular.

Then we went to this awesome spa. This has become my favorite past time in LA. There's a gym, then four different saunas, lots of ladies scrubbing off dead skin cells, and my favorite'the hot mugwort bath. I turned a couple girls in the dressing room on to it. They were saying that mugwort gives you good dreams. That's weird, cuz I have been having really psychic dreams. Like this morning I woke up and told Daniela that we had been at the ocean and there were these crazy good waves. She was surfing like a maniac. Then she talked to her stepdad who taught her how to surf, and finally after no waves for like weeks, there were great waves today. Wild.

So we soaked, then cold-dipped, then soaked, then cold-dipped. I love that it's segregated like women only on one side and men on the other, except that my fag friends can't come join me there. And since it's like the only thing I want to do, they are starting to question my commitment to our friendships.

Then we went to hot dog's hotel room to pick him up for dinner. He's here because he's the one putting on this benefit, WEDROCK, that we're all playing tomorrow. Love the new york in him. I've already adjusted to California life where meeting for 9 for dinner seemed a little late. Turns out it is cuz restaurants start to close at 10. Especially the hippie vegetarian ones that I want to go to. So we hustled him out the door and went and ate cold sesame noodles and mushroom soup. It was so good, but we totally ate too much. He's having a wretched time right now cuz his mom is actually a total child who completely was a drug addict his whole life and was constantly beating him up, as well as stressing him out because he had to always take care of the house and his little sister cuz she was too fucked up on drugs to do it. So since he was little he has been a caretaker.

So supposedly she's changed her ways and apologized for the past and they've moved on, until this weekend. I could bore you with the details and possibly set myself up to give away a little too much private information about my friend and therefore piss him off, but I think I'll refrain. Hot dog is so special to me, and I want to do him right. That's why when people try to fuck with him I wanna defend him and somehow take it away. But here's my theory these days: Blood might be thicker than water, but really, sometimes it might be better to just live on water, you know what I mean?

So we had an inspiring dinner. I always crack up at least three times when I hang out with hot dog. We make each other laugh. Duh, I kind of just said that.

So we dropped him off and I was chatting his ear off but he had to run cuz he had one knocking on the back door, if you know what I mean.

Don't you think when you go to a restaurant right before it's closing they shouldn't charge you as much when they're like vacuuming around your feet, and taking all the condiments off the table before you're done so they can finish their side work? I mean I have worked in many a restaurant, so I do sympathize with the workers, but come on. They turned the lights up, the music off, tacky. And it's not like we were just sitting there long after we had eaten, we had just been served our food.

I came home and called my grandma. She turned 96 three days ago. Can you imagine? Once she finally got who it was, cuz I was screaming into the phone, thinking that would help her hear me, she let me know she was bored stiff. She is adjusting to using a walker after breaking her hip two times last year. But she's really proud about it and hates anyone to see her with it, so she resists as much as possible. But all she does is watch tv mostly. It makes me feel so sad, picturing her there in the same house she's lived in for 70-something years, where her husband lived and died with her, and all her kids grew up and left, and now all she has is some crappy daytime tv where it's game shows and fake news. I wish I could just go hang out with her and read her books and stuff. England isn't that far from new york. I wonder if she lived in the Midwest if I would see her more often. Of course I would. Cuz I play there all the time. So I should just jump-start my career over there. Duh.

Ok, bed now. The jesus candles are burning up. Their fake smell freaks me out. Christopher says it's a certain kind of woman who sews religious icons onto denim and then adds glitter and sparkles. I know what he means. He thinks they're a certain brand.

I'm gonna set the alarm so if there's good waves we can blow off everything we have to do and go to the beach. You've gotta have those days sometimes.

Wow, and did we ever. Rock our socks off, I mean. I just got back from the Amy Ray and The Voluteers with special guest Capital b tour. we had fun and it rocked, ok? Liz was with me, we traveled together in our upgraded hertz rental car that we galloped across the south and the Midwest in. I only mention the corporate name drop not because I have kick backs from them or anything or in fact any outstanding respect at all. No, I practically had to give them a blood sample to get them to rent to me in the first place, (being a no credit only debit card kind of gal that I am), and so I am only mentioning their bright yellow name because it's setting you up for the later kind of joke, kind of painful twisted laughing matter that I actually was walking through and out of their parking lot, which I guess they don't really plan for much, and my flip flops kicked me into the metal teeth that rise with weight, out of the ground to flatten the tires of anyone trying to “back their shit up.” So out they clamp as we step over, and my toe goes right into it with such force, that it rips my entire big toenail off of its lifelong bed.

Why I'm telling you this is far beyond my understanding, but I type like a working-class artist type, and rest my mind knowing I can always delete my blue screened ramblings.

Anyway, the joke, which I haven't even gotten to yet is that I was so hurt at hertz.

Haha

I laugh while bitterly rolling my eyes.

So off I hobbled on tour and wow what a good one. We covered Atlanta to Georgia with a wide circle through the Midwest, and met some really good times. Great people I meant to say, and hooked up with so many familiar faces as well.

First of all, let me brag on and on about Amy and the Volunteers. Holy crap, what a band and what songs! Tara Jean O'neill on bass, Wes I don't know his last name but will find out on guitar, and that brings me to Will the drummer man. They were so tight and really fun people. One night after a show in Ames, Iowa, i met them and Carla, the road manager, out at a karaoke bar. Now, I'm not sure who in that band is the complete Karaoke Junkie, but I do know that they had been threatening a dive-y karaoke night since I first met them all. I also know that at some point on their drive from Lawrence, Kansas, where we had played the night before, to Ames, Tara Jean was literally in the middle of the road stopping traffic to see if anyone knew of Karaoke in Ames. i have only done karaoke once, and I'm sure you can tell, since I'm probably consistently bastardizing the spelling of it each time.

Got to talk and healthily debate with Rocket and Katz (Athens Boys Choir) about important trans stuff that I see getting so not talked about with everyonwe's seemingly HYPER PC vibe around it. We have to talk. I wonder a lot about the patriarchy, and living in it and under it , what the implications are of so many of US (and here I will now define for this paragraph or subsequent paragraphs in this document, not setting up an overall US for ALL ETERNITY or EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE, US) as people who have had a girl youth projected onto them, taking drugs that are known to shorten our lives. I look around our community and this is rampant, with all queers and all oppressed people (which is a lot in our world, cuz the patriarchy oppresses MOST in fact I would even say ALL people)'we poison ourselves slowly in so many ways. We drink like fish, or take drugs or SMOKE cigarettes and pot and all of that is sold to us and will and does kill us. This we can't deny, just like the life expectancy of someone on T dramatically drops. So I want to talk about that, just to find out you know what's up in the world from people who are dealing with this process. No bigs. And the other thing I have had so much on my mind around this stuff is that what happens to femme girls when they are always using the male pronoun for their lovers and mates and whatever, is our queer identity being invisibilized by that language (the one of the BINARY gender system..) and is using “he” still just buying into the whole binary thing? I have written almost an entire album about this trans guy I was in love with. But then what gets put out into the world. Another chick singing about some dude is very different than a queer girl singing about her dude. I want to call him “hizzy” or something else, you know? Like the whole ‘Zi' thing I like too. But then there are issues of outing people in a very transphobic, woman-hating world. I'll call anyone anything they want me too, if I can remember, but it's something else when talking to people outside the community who have a different understanding of what I mean when I say he.

And back to the road. Ooh how it filled me. Amy is a real inspiration. She's just kept on keeping on. Discovered this whole world of punk music later in her life and wanted to make it. I love people who let themselves change. And keep going even when the music world can be so disheartening. Especially for us chicks. Especially for us politically voiced ones. Not some robot blow job machine singing about her fat thighs or something. Haha. I don't know any songs like that, but it's true somewhere in there. “Britney skinny!” was a headline I saw today while passing the magazine stand in the airport.

I went to my friends' house outside of town after we played in Madison, Wisconsin. We spent the night there. They are full time witches and their house is all this witch kitch. I slept on sheets that had all the ladies on broomsticks, there was a sign on the driveway that said “Witch parking only'all others will be Toad!” they have a cauldron in the back yard which represents the womb, I guess and all the life that comes from there. They had drawn me a map to get there and when I did there was a big sign on their porch that said “Bitch—-Come IN.” there I was in this tiny town with all my stereotypes of who must be living around there and here are these women who are just living who they want to be and making their own reality. I found a lot of joy there. Can't imagine what they thought of my welcome sign.

Anyway, I got some great pictures, which I'll post soon. I'm a real photographer type, always forcing people to pose for me. They are usually glad in the end, anyway. There was a dressing room in Kansas City that I actually remembered from a tour I had been on with Animal, where all the walls are just covered in graffiti and any random stuff that all the different bands over the years decided to write on them. There was this one big word in white paint that said “Truth” and I made Amy pose for me in front of it. It turned out really nice. I feel like I'm rambling a little so I'm gonna go to bed. Good to be home, even in this temporary one. My home is really where my heart is, and now that I've dragged it all over the Midwest, it's happy to be here.

i'm in Los Angeles, Smell A, as it certainly is. i'm in Los Angeles, Smell A, as it certainly is. there is a fire over the other side of the canyon that i can see from here. it's been blazing for days. adding the haunting feeling to the hot Santana winds.

i'm gonna go see my friend Christopher and me him and D are gonna go to the Y and work out. do they have work out machines at the YW's i wonder?

these are my deep thoughts for the day.

then we'll go to the beach.

outside some dog's barking and distant mowers. mine is sleeping somewhere in this house.

see you out there soon babies, my tour starts in less than two weeks. me and Amy Ray, rockin our socks off.

xoxo

September 9, 2005

Latest news here is that i'm going to be on tour in october with the one and only Amy Ray. We are gonna bring our vibes together all over the south and midwest. Also, i'll be joining Ferron on a couple of her fall dates way up there in Canada. Can I just say that i am thrilled and flattered to be opening shows for these amazing visionary poets of our time. If you don't know either of their work, you should. And Ferron and I are getting ready to collaborate on some stuff together, so get on and get friendly with her work cuz she changed my life and may just change yours. Check out the tour dates page for deets, yo.

I also wanna tell you all that I am not changing my name, but adding another one. When you see that Capital b is opening for Amy Ray, that's me, motherfuckers. And when you hear about Capital b appearing in the movie "Shortbus"—that's me too. And when you hear about Capital b putting out a record that she made in her home studio over a 20 month period of creative blossoming time...that's me too.

you can and will always call me Bitch, too. cuz you know where we came from and where i came from and that power and revolution have many identities.

love you so much

your one and only

how do i describe what the week i had was like? i was in michigan at the Women's Music Festival. women are so cool. can i just tell you?

ok, i'm typing inside when the sun is blaring outside and begging me to go to the sea and cool out some of my aries fire. my friend tom is in town. just crossed the border today. they almost didn't let him in, since he has no job and no health insurance. good thing they didn't know that he lives in his van. haha.

tom is someone who i've travelled with a lot. we have a bitch/roadie relationship and also a good friendship. touring made him realize his dream of living by the ocean, learning to surf, and living in a van, giving him the freedom to travel any time any where. i gotta say i didn't think it would last so long. he's a survivor, man. been living in a church parking lot, living the dream as we say.

anyway, we're gonna go to the beach for a while and then we're gonna go visit daniela out on set and i'm gonna hang out in her trailer with my dog and shoot the shit with tom.

i miss michigan. i want to live in a tribe. can't we do that, already?

michigan was amazing, by the way. i feel like i go there to fill up on love and positivity. all women create that place. they feed 7000 chicks by cooking over fires. there's three stages with music from noon to midnight every day. all women. we shower outside with like ten people at a time. i had a great heart to heart with my friend Gretchen Phillips in the shower. just scrubbing butts and chatting about love lust and art. it's not just 10 chicks vying for one nozzle, no. it's ten nozzles and we kind of all face each other.

then there's one "shy guy" shower as my pal Sini calls it. that one has a curtain around it. i had a revelation one night on the path with friends Anna and Amy (both from the amazing Wise Fools Circus in New Mexico) and Lynnee Breedlove. me anna and amy were not prepared campers and had no flashlight, so we were taking the lynnee carpool home. she walked each of us to our tents. i requested last drop-off, cuz i'm an aries and i just get going around midnight and i was feeling kinda lonely anyway and nobody helps me out of a lonely feeling more than Lynnee Breedlove. Anna and Lynnee are both butch. and wouldn't you know, those two use the "shy guy" showers. i realized that every single one of my friends who used that shower is also butch. this blew me away. didn't shock me, but made me kind of sad in that "oh right, that's our world" kind of sad. of course i wanted to keep anna up talking about it, even though she was on the nod with delerium cuz they had been practising their circus from early in the morning, but they schooled me about how their bodies don't really match how they feel. meanwhile, i said to both of them that i don't think if i saw them naked it would blow my image of their butch-ness.

Sini always jokes about the butch in the shower. nothing worse than when someone comes up to you and wants to chat as you're trying to cast a shamanic fog around your tits so no one you're trying to mack on sees you.

all the water pipes, by the way, are put up every year and taken down at the end of the festival. in fact every single structure on the land is removed by the end of the festival and put into storage until the next year. amazing.

oh and wait til i tell you sometime about how the 20 year old Lisa Vogel got the ARMY to provide water and tents to the couple thousand women who showed up to the first ever michigan. you'll pee.

what an act of rebelliousness for us to gather like that. claim our space. and you know what? it's fucking beautiful. out of this distinct oppression that people who all suffered girl-hoods share, comes such a vision of peace in the world, such a commitment to safety for everyone who comes there and all the creatures who stay there. do i sound too woo woo? cuz i don't even care, i'm so into the powerful feeling i get each and every time i am on that land. in a world that is so committed to us not expressing or even experiencing this, it is crucial for me to go there to remember who i am. and have a blast.

me and my new circus friend Alea danced to Le Tigre in the rain. they have the words to FYR playing on the screen behind them when they sing it. it sends chills up my spine.

i had my mom come tap dance with me during my song Red Roof In. they ate that shit up. so did my mom. she tapped all up and down the cat walk and everything. i couldn't get her off!

then i worked with the circus again for their show on sunday. LAVA (from nyc) and Wise Fool (new mexico) combined forces and put on an amazing show. i sang a song by Neutral Milk Hotel (airplane over the sea) while they did this whole trapeze looking thing, flying through the air on hoops. it was beautiful. and the song was beautiful. there was a reference to some girl Anna's ghost in the song, so i changed it to my friend Bethie's name, cuz i know she would have been there if she were still alive. anyway, i feel like when i say her name she comes around anyway, and i wanted her there with me.

then i tapped danced for everyone while the beavers were getting their costumes on. you had to be there.

and i made up a theme song for Alea's strong woman act where she puts two people from the audience on a barbell and lifts them. wow. the lyrics were deep and profound, and came out of a few shots of whiskey..."i am svava. i lift people." repeat it over and over.

what else? i got to hang with Ferron, my butch dad. we love each other. her poetry blows me away.

the woods sang to me every night as i fell asleep. the crickets were so loud.

three women had been hit by lightning i was told when i first arrived. so the first night i was in my tent, it started storming in the middle of the night. i had always heard that rubber would absorb the shock of lightning, that's why cars were a safe place to be in a storm. so i reached for my rubber galloshes and put them near my head. i was scared shitless. my friends laughed and laughed when i told them of my hoopty dodge the lightning technique.

i got to hang with God-des and Tina G. watched them blow everyone away with their talents. i'm so the proud stage mom when it comes to them. and JD, what can i say. i met zi at michigan four years ago. strong bonds are formed there. and i got to experience zi's amazing friendship once again when i was having a hard time. i always want to be that for people. feel so rich in my life for the friends i make.

thank the goddess for that festival and for all of us who hold that light to be there. and to lynnee for holding the light so i didn't have to end up sleeping face down in moss cuz i couldn't find my tent.

now Lynnee just called. that is too weird. she said she's extra psychic these days. dang. i gotta go, so we can talk about changing the world.

love,
me
xoxo


July 27, 2005

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

hey you people

i'm up here in vancouver having a great summer. me and my friend Hot Dog and my girlfriend Daniela and my dog Romano are going to the beach today. it's like two blocks from my house. canada is mellow and i love that i'm not melting in NYC right now. but i miss my friends. and my studio.

me and Hot Dog are gonna go to "Valoo Villahge" later to score some hot new fashions to rock. me and Hot Dog have so much fun together. i laugh til i pee.

don't fret about the new album, by the way, cuz i'm doing enough for all of us. there are some details that are ssslllooowwing the process but i'm trying to just breathe and be like, "this is all for a reason, sister-girl Bitch..." even though that mentality is actually hard to believe for me sometimes.

i can't wait to get my frilly ass to Michigan and see so many of my friends. i just got to see my pals from Le Tigre the other night. we had an impromptu dance party on their bus after their show. they opened for Beck. he's a scientologist. that freaks me out.

then i got another pal dose when my girl Amy Ray came with her band, the Indigo Girls. i finally got to meet Emily. what song-writers they are! and always give me this "i'm so happy i'm alive and can play music and just hang with other people who have a similar life experience driving all over the place" feeling. and while i'm at it, it's so nice to not be driving all over the place for now!

i might do a show with Ferron in a couple of weeks up here in canada. i'll keep you posted.

more later.

oh and it was Daniela's birthday yesterday. we began a whole week of celebrating.

love you—love knowing you're out there.

xoxo

Finished shooting today for “Shortbus.” What a project. We have been working on this film for so long, with so much love going into it. Little Prince and I were brought in like two years after they started. I can only imagine how intense it will feel for some of the people who have been involved since the beginning. And John! Shesus, I have been after him to eat his greens to get him through these long shooting days. The days have been a lot like studio days. Long hours, and intense focused work that are like thousands of decisions a minute resting on you. But back to the love involved. The entire cast and crew are doing this from their heart. Because there is sex involved, and gay sex no less, there have been many roadblocks in getting the thing funded. So people who are involved are there for the spirit of it, you can be sure. I can't wait for you all to see it!

Anyway, it just turned to summer outside, so me and my dog are off to Central Park. There is magic in the air. Can you feel it?

Me and God-des were driving today up in the front of the RV on our way to Georgia for a festival and passed a truck that said “Fresh ideas! Great values!”

“That's like us,” I said to her.

And we drove on.

I saw a cop in Times Square today and I almost went up to him to tell him his outfit looked really bad.